128. You Can't Heal A Wound In An Infected Environment
You don’t notice it until you do.
Erica recounts an experience of her own to illustrate how a process of letting go could play out for you, or to consider if this type of dynamic is something you’ve experienced or participated in and what you can do with your team now to prepare.
In this article:
Erica’s story of how an environment slowly changed from a positive to a toxic space
Her process of evaluating when to speak up and when to let go
A framework for determining what your path to healing might look like
What you and your team can do now to make sure you respond in keeping with your values when challenges arise
This article is based on a Pause On The Play podcast episode called African-American Vernacular - What's Good English with E.K. Powell
Keep the dialogue going:
Concepts are better explored in community. Actions are more lasting when taken alongside other imperfect allies. Connect with a cohort of entrepreneurs and changemakers at the intersection of values and visibility.
Join us at pauseontheplay.com/community
Learn more about the Implicit to Explicit: Leading Through Your Values Masterclass
This article is based on a Pause On The Play podcast episode called You Can't Heal A Wound In An Infected Environment
For a long time, Erica was the only person of color in an online group she was part of.
Eventually, she would be one of less than three people of color. That fact in itself wasn’t a problem, as she has frequently been one of the only, or the only, person of color in a group.
Problems with that dynamic arise when a group relies on the people of color to be, as Erica puts it, “your magical Black friend, AKA the Magical Negro.”
In retrospect, Erica recognizes that some people in the group may have inadvertently cast her that way, and when she didn’t play the role, she began to notice that the space didn’t feel the same anymore. It wasn’t serving her the same way and her comfort level and desire to interact and participate shifted.
“I didn’t notice it until I did,” she says.
Instead of sharing how she felt, she questioned if she was being too sensitive, and being the only person of color in the group, she didn’t have another group member to check in with on how she felt.
She didn’t want to assume that it was something that maybe it wasn’t.
There was no blatantly offensive behavior or exchanges that set off the feelings, and without that, Erica didn’t feel there was anything she could bring to the leadership to address.
There were, though, instances of white-saviorism and tokenization happening in the group’s message forum.
And Erica began to notice that her image and testimonial were frequently being used. She, and at that point one other Black person became “the Black friends” of the group.
She decided to bring her concerns to the group’s leadership at that time so that they would have an opportunity to respond, rather than react to an urgent situation.
“You would much rather get a response. A reaction is probably not going to be to anybody’s benefit.”
She wanted there to be an opportunity to address the situation and for her relationship to the group to be repaired. She didn’t approach leadership to clear the air and part ways. She wanted to be able to have the conversation and move forward.
Erica acknowledges that leadership probably did too, but was not equipped to handle it.
Their response amounted to, “Thanks for sharing. Sorry you feel that way.”
Their response acknowledged the complaint, but not that it merited further discussion or action. It shut the door for any further conversation.
Erica had given her money, time and energy to this organization. She supported them by referring to them positively in other circles she was part of.
She was hurt and angry for herself. And she was hurt and angry from a DEI perspective.
No matter what statements they may have made about diversity, equity and inclusion, their actions clearly showed that they didn’t know how to, or were unwilling to make, the changes to meet those goals.
Still, even when it was clear that repair was impossible, it took a moment for Erica to work through how she felt about leaving and how she wanted to do that. Did she want to publicly acknowledge why she was leaving? Or just make an exit?
She ended up simply leaving the space.
Then she had to determine if and how she needed to remove the person in question from her “bubble.”
“You need to be able to figure out, can I be exposed to this individual?” She didn’t remove the person from her sphere completely, so she did see them continue using her face and testimonial for their programming long after she left the group.
She tells this story because it’s important to question if you can heal in an environment that is infected.
For Erica, that environment was infected. And the level of mistruth and bias made healing impossible.
“An environment where I don't feel comfortable to be all of who I am and to feel as though I am as safe as I can be at any given time? I don't need to be there.”
Consider what path you would want to take with someone else if you had a similar experience of going from feeling good about a space to things changing, sharing your experience, and what you would want to happen next.
Likewise, what path would you take if someone came to you about something that didn’t feel good or if they didn’t feel as supported or valued as they should.
Sometimes there are misunderstandings or a lack of clarity that lead to issues, but without a path to get to clarity, “you stay in muddy water.”
Keep The Dialogue Going
Concepts are better explored in community. Actions are more lasting when taken alongside other imperfect allies. Connect with a cohort of entrepreneurs and changemakers at the intersection of values and visibility.
Erica will share her workflow for handling unexpected challenges like these, so you and your team can customize your own plans for navigating uncharted waters.
Join us atpauseontheplay.com/community