122. Three Things to Consider When You’re Ready to Do Things Differently
Summary
Your desire to amplify communities and help organizations, or consume diverse sources of media and participate in truly inclusive events can have a meaningful impact––if you’re willing to examine the intentions behind those goals.
Erica offers three prompts designed to help folks reflect on their motives and raise self-awareness on the path to doing things differently.
In this discussion:
Acknowledging the use of and meaning behind self-centered “I” statements
Recognizing urgency and its effects on your motive
Examining the duality of your intentions
Honoring the evolutionary process of doing differently
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Whether you’re focused on doing things differently in professional spaces, personal spaces, or both, these are the outcomes that Erica is here to “facilitate people being able to receive, but also reminding them that they can do this,” she says. “This is not about me; this is about you being in a position to reclaim the impact that you can make a reality and actually following that through and making it a thing.”
In support of this greater goal, Erica supplies folks with a few prompts to reflect on as the desire to be and do and exist differently is necessary. “And, I also want to make sure that as you are doing that, the focus is actually on the outcome, and it's not focused on yourself.”
Pay Attention to “I” Focused Statements
Are you genuinely focused on the individuals, the communities, and causes you say you want to serve? Or, are you focused on yourself? “I think that there are times that we will shift what we want to do, who we want to do it for, and how we want to do it,” Erica points out, “and it can become a very beautiful ethical and authentic way of doing things. And, sometimes, it starts off in less than stellar beginnings.”
Your initial intentions and actions may come from a self-centric or self-focused place. Sometimes, that's where you feel like you have to start. “It then shifts from there because it's like, ‘Wait. Okay, this isn't about me,’ and you begin to evolve.” Erica explains. “This is the type of evolution that I honestly see a lot of imperfect allies go through when they are recognizing ‘Oh! I want to do this different!’” So often, a statement similar those listed below preface that desire:
I want to support these communities!
I want to do things differently for them!
I want to make sure they have access!
Over time those “I” focused statements can shift to:
I really seek to hear the opinions of the people who can benefit from this and what they want and need.
I enjoy hearing the storytelling and the ways that I can honor these truths that don't reflect my truth.
I support creating safe spaces for people who don't look, live, or love like me. I enjoy that my participation has given me such a reverence and respect for differences of opinions and experiences, and realities that I didn't even know were a thing.
I'm so grateful, and I have immense gratitude for these communities and their willingness to share their experiences with me.
There's a huge difference between those bulleted lists. The second set is more focused on the people receiving versus you being the one to do the facilitating. The process of evolution from the first list to the second way of engaging is beautiful because it reinforces the idea that where you start doesn’t have to be where you stay. It also means that the place from which you begin isn’t necessarily bad.
Anyone who’s following how Erica’s roller skating abilities progresses over on social media can relate. “I am fully, you know, willing to claim that the place that I'm going to be in another year is not the exact place that I am now,” she says, adding, “I want to make sure there isn't any shame or not-enoughness or, you know, faux imposter syndrome showing up here.” The reality is where you are now versus where you're going to evolve to -- it should shift.
Take solace in the fact that you’re growing. Pay attention to the use of I-statements; they’ll help you check the truth of your efforts against whether or not there's implicit bias showing up. There might not be anything on the surface that’s influencing your thought processes and choices, but just because bias isn’t obvious doesn’t mean that it’s not influencing you nonetheless.
What Role Does Urgency Play in Your Push to Take Action?
Urgency is a tool of white supremacy. Period.
You must examine your drive to act. Is it based in urgency? At what point does your desire, your urgency to help/amplify/connect cross over into white saviorism? “Is that urgency coming from a place of what you need to do for someone else right now or how this reflects on you if you do (or don't do) this right now?” Erica asks. “If urgency is rearing its ugly existence, it's important to pay attention to if that is true and what that's feeding into, what correlations it's drawing with some other things happening like, ‘Why are you here, urgency? Nobody called for you. Goodbye!’”
Acknowledge where urgency shows up and cultivate awareness around how it doesn’t support the outcomes you seek.
Examine Duality with Honesty
How do these efforts benefit you? How do these efforts benefit the individuals, communities, and causes that you are seeking to support and amplify? If you’re thinking we covered that back at the beginning of this discussion, well, yes...and no.
“I'm going to kind of draw this as a parallel with the duality here,” Erica says, “because if the focus is on your benefit but not them, obviously that's something to pay attention to.” Is it more about how this will reflect on you and whether this will help to solidify how you feel about yourself? Or how others feel about you as an imperfect ally? Does it actually benefit them with the resources, availability, access, visibility that they want and need? Does it support bridging any gaps that exist? Does it address disparities of basic needs being met? If your answers are more focused on you, please pay attention to that. “Pay attention to if you are meeting the needs that were requested to be met, or did you decide that these were the needs to be met?” Erica advises.
Awareness and Evolution
Doing differently begins by becoming more aware of and honest about your intentions and honoring the evolution. “I want to acknowledge for you that if you uncover something that is not the type of intention that you truly want to have, you can change that,” Erica says. “It doesn't have to be this and this only. It doesn't have to stop here.”
You can't, however, evolve without awareness. “I want to make sure that you are giving yourself the permission to uncover this awareness in order to make necessary shifts, to get the type of outcome that you are really seeking for yourself and those that you are supporting,” Erica says, adding that sometimes these aren’t easy questions to ask yourself, but the prompts allow you to examine your motives before you commit to doing things differently.
Quotes
Erica Courdae
“The desire to be and do and exist differently is necessary. And I also want to make sure that as you are doing that, that the focus is actually on the outcome and it's not focused on yourself.”
“The reality is that where you are now versus where you're going to evolve to, it should shift.”
“I think it's important to be able to, again, pay attention to that duality of how does this benefit you and how does this benefit those that you are really approaching this from the point of wanting to serve them.”