183. How To Reconsider Imposter Syndrome
The Real Meaning of Imposter Syndrome
People talk about imposter syndrome all the time, in relation to how they feel at work or in social situations or just in life.
But do you know where the term comes from or the context in which it originated? That narrative may not fit your lived experience, but you can feel imposter syndrome all the same.
Erica revisits episode three of the podcast and gives her perspective on what Imposter Syndrome really is and how it can show up in our lives.
Listen on your favorite podcast player or keep reading to learn:
The popular conception of what imposter syndrome means
Why imposter syndrome may have more to do with who you’ve had to be than who you’re becoming
How imposter syndrome shows up in the journey of allyship
The Common Understanding of Imposter Syndrome
On the Pause on the Play® podcast, Erica Courdae (she/her) says that the concept of imposter syndrome has been coming up frequently in conversations she’s been a part of.
She says that she first started hearing the term when she entered the entrepreneurship space with her coaching and consulting business, after owning her beauty brand Silver Immersion. When she began digging deeper into mindset and interacting with entrepreneurs from other spaces, she says she became more aware of the term.
At the time, Erica’s understanding of it was that imposter syndrome was the feeling of “I can’t do this. I’m not capable, I’m not qualified, I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve this,” that can accompany beginning a new venture.
The syndrome was driven by fears that are not based in reality, and are often truly rooted in the fear of “what if this succeeds,” rather than fear of failure.
“The concept is kind of that you are getting resistance around being something that you’re not.”
Who the Imposter Really Is
Erica calls BS on that interpretation.
She says that in particular for people who grew up in an environment where they were expected to shrink themselves, where their needs, feelings, and desires didn’t matter, “then maybe you had to become something in order to make it. Maybe you had to remake who you were at your core in order to survive.”
When people who have those kinds of lived experiences come to the point where they are ready to thrive and step into the next best versions of themselves, rather than just survive, it can trigger imposter syndrome.
But, “What if the imposter isn’t who you’re becoming, but the imposter is who you are no longer choosing to be? What if the imposter is the person that you had to be just to get through?”
The person you’re becoming, while it may be more true and more aligned to who you really are, can feel foreign and unsettling.
“I think you are unbecoming something that isn’t inherent to you…And you are now stepping into your light. And in doing that, you get this whole, ‘Oh, okay. This feels strange.’ But is it really that it feels strange or is it just something that’s unfamiliar?”
Imposter Syndrome and Imperfect Allyship®
As an example, Erica points to white women she works with who want to work on their implicit bias.
The process of learning to recognize systemic racism, implicit bias, and privilege challenges the norms these women grew up with. And while the learning process is in alignment with their values, it requires recognizing and rejecting old belief systems and thought processes.
“And maybe that is triggering some imposter syndrome type of feelings because you’ve always felt this way, and you didn’t feel as though you were wrong. But all of the sudden, [you’re] trying to be this other person, and it can be scary.”
The likelihood of not being perfect at being an ally is also unsettling for women who have been confident and assured in how they navigate the world.
It “feels scary and foreign and you feel unqualified, well, maybe this is your imposter syndrome popping in. Maybe this is you hitting a point of, I have to undo everything that I thought and knew about myself in order to redo this, to feel as though I am aligned with the values and beliefs that I truly do hold.”
And, Erica says, trying to avoid the inevitability of being an Imperfect Ally®, will only keep you complicit in the status quo.
“Yet it can feel like, can I do this? Am I equipped to do this? Am I doing this wrong? Is this the way that I do this in order to really honor the cause? But if you don’t try, guess what? You won’t ever know.”
She says the discomfort of this kind of imposter syndrome is an opportunity to question what’s important, how uncomfortable you are willing to be, and how willing you are to truly question the beliefs that you were instilled with.
“How willing are you to make that large of a shift and a change?...I want you to question it. I want you to dig deeper and go below the surface on that.”
Erica says in her life and in her work, “I would much rather someone come to me with an open and authentic heart, willing to do the right thing and possibly [mess up], and it’s a teachable moment, than to simply be quiet and complicit. That helps no one.”
She continues, “I am calling you to show curiosity around the possibility that imposter syndrome is showing up in your journey to allyship.”
Ready to Dive Deeper?
In the next curated exploration within The Pause on the Play Community, we’re discussing creating the space to take care of yourself.
Real self care goes way beyond a hashtag and a bubble bath. We’ll be in community conversation about integrating taking care of yourself into your values and how you want to create impact in the world.
Join us and get access to the community conversations and support, Q&As with Erica and India, live office hours, and our library of evergreen resources and replays.
Learn more at pauseontheplay.com/community