105. Focus On the Right Things
Summary
Are you concentrating on the issues that truly matter? Or rehashing trivial controversies? Take a moment before answering; consider the nonsense over which some folks have expended so much energy lately (refer back to this recent conversation for a prime example). These decoy “debates” flood social feeds and shift focus away from the issues that continue to put Black and Brown bodies in literal danger.
In this solo conversation, Erica returns with guidance to help you avoid the lure of Trojan horse outrages and return your awareness to the right things.
In this discussion:
Recognizing the harm caused by media distractions
Cutting through the noise to get at what’s really going on
Acknowledging feelings of discomfort and fear
Returning attention to the issues that matter
Keep The Dialogue Going
Need support on your journey? Pause On The Play The Community can help.
Join our virtual space where similar conversations are taking place, where you can engage with others who are butting up against some of these same challenges. In The Community, you’ll work with members who are also taking steps forward. What a relief to discover that you don’t have to do this work on your own.
If you're seeking that support, please come on over to Pause On The Play The Community. We genuinely are a community; we want you to be a part of that with us. We want you to be a part of removing stigmas and creating real change and connection so we can all cross lines and recreate boundaries to support and not separate.
Article
In the last few weeks, Erica has provided folks with questions to prompt a redirect when we’re focusing on the wrong things or not seeing the layers of what’s really going on. First, she asked that we re-examine our outrage. Next, she challenged us to audit our personal and professional relationships, especially those that put us in positions of co-signing or caping for people who ultimately aren’t worthy of our valuable support.
Well, she’s back to supply more guidance, clarifying before she does that “this is not the same feeling that we had last year when George Floyd was murdered. I will be honest, being right in the middle of the, you know, trial for the fuck-ass police officer that murdered George Floyd (which I won't even say his name), in the middle of that, Daunte Wright is murdered. And then, Adam Toledo is murdered.” The sad reality is, there will most likely be more Black and Brown people killed as this conversation goes live. “And, it’s ex-HAUST-ing. It is, just...I'm like, come on!”
This Is Nothing New
Today’s discussion centers around the undeniable truth that stuff online attracts attention and energy while other things are going on (because there are always other things!) - and going ignored. “And unfortunately, I see this a lot in news cycles where let's go ahead and give the public this because we don't really want to talk about that. And I am hitting that point where some of this stuff that's happening online -- it does need to be addressed, and it does need to be called out, and it does need to be dismantled and called to the light and like, let that shit scatter like roaches and let’s disperse it. And, at the same exact time, there are some people that are so engrossed in what's happening, they're not actually paying attention to or acknowledging what’s really going on!”
Let’s be clear: this media sleight-of-hand is a cycle; it’s not new. As Erica explains, “I do not know of a person of color that does not understand that concept of the things that happen to our bodies and then the stories that are told to distract from the topic of the things that are happening to our bodies.”
Even with an endless supply of examples, “there may be some imperfect allies out there that maybe haven't honed in on that yet,” she says. “And, so, I want this to be a wake-up call to whoever is willing to listen and to get it. I don't care if it's one, I don't care if it's a hundred, I don't care if it's a thousand, I don't care if it's a million; somebody needs to wake up and recognize that there are times that topics and happenings and situations and mishaps are thrown at you to get you to not pay attention to what's really happening.”
Consider how much content comes our way. “We’re are getting all kinds of news thrown at us that is not as important as these people that are being murdered in broad daylight - on camera! - and people just kind of walk away and decide, ‘Oh, I'm gonna quit’ or, ‘Oh, it was a mistake’ or, ‘Oops!’” Erica says. That’s not how this works; it's not how that shit works at all.”
The Black and Brown folks forced to bear witness to these traumas again and again, “whose bodies resemble those that are receiving either mistreatment in some cases or murder in others,” she says, “feel the collective weight of it. And so, when there are other people out here focused on the wrong things that do not benefit us or in any way, shape, or form or enhance an environment of safety, security, and betterment, we look at it like, what the fuck are you doing?”
Here’s an example. “So, when we've talked before about she-who-shall-not be-mentioned because I refused to give her any air time on my platform and her bad behavior yet again,” Erica says, “we're focusing on this, and it's like, wait, you know that as y'all are talking about this, right, like, literally as this is happening, there is an active murder trial happening in Minnesota?” Sure enough, in the middle of the trial, another police officer kills another unarmed Black man, “and, it's like, I don't give a shit about her bad behavior! Black bodies are dying and just leaving yet another Black family fractured! Daunte Wright has a son who will never have his father back. He was 20. He's a baby. What the hell?”
Focus on what’s happening. “If you don't live in Minnesota, then maybe you don't know what it looks like there. Having conversations with people that do live there, and seeing that it looks like an occupied state because these businesses, and law enforcement there are, like, ‘Oh, a little bit of quiet,’ whatever there was before Dante Wright was murdered,” Erica points out. “As quiet as it could be during, you know, this murder trial, they knew that something was going to happen. Stores are boarded up, National Guard around. These types of things happening -- it’s because we're in the midst of trauma being played out day after day after day. And we're out here talking about somebody that can't figure out how to not be an asshole online? I need us to focus on the right things.”
But Wait! What About All That Other Stuff?
At the beginning of this conversation, Erica pointed out that “there are things that are happening with this stuff online that, yeah, it needs to be called out, too, because there's some traumatic cycles that are extremely harmful and have been causing harm long term. So, I'm not going to negate the necessity for that and, comma, there is a necessity to save lives. There is a necessity to acknowledge how there are stories thrown at you to make you forget about the Black bodies that are constantly accosted or pepper-sprayed directly in their faces in their cars, told that they’re going to ride the lightning because they asked, why did you pull me over?”
Side note: “I'm going to also remind people, it does not matter if a Black person follows the rules. Hands up, they're polite, they have done all the things; you still never go home again,” Erica says. “So, I need you to also understand that the respectability politics of us following the rules and doing these fill-in-the-blanks that would have been the thing to save us? That's a lie. Again, don't let that distract you; it's a lie. It's a lie.”
Adjust Your Focus With These Three Questions
Discerning between the right and wrong things takes practice. Erica provides a few questions to help direct the process. “I feel like maybe this is a season of learning; maybe this is a season of contemplation and recognizing what, maybe, you have not recognized well enough up to this point.”
Proposition number one: What's really going on?
If our feeds are stacked with news, but we’re hearing different stories from those who don’t look like us, “you might want to pay attention,” Erica says. “Maybe there's a reason that you're being distracted from these other stories; maybe there's a reason that you're being pulled away from the actions playing out around you. Take some time and pay attention to what's really going on.”
Proposition number two: What is this distracting me from?
Erica challenges folks to examine their actions and check in with the broader picture. Are we distracted to the point that we’re not a part of a protest like we were last year? Is this distracting us from giving to a cause that we didn’t realize needed our support? Is it distracting us from the fact that there is no break in the cycles, yet, of violence perpetrated against Black and Brown bodies? “Is it distracting you from the fact that everything that you were so upset and outraged about last year, that it really never got quiet, It never stopped?” Erica asks. “So, where some people thought, ‘Oh, I can just kind of go back to business as usual,’ no, you can't. No, you can't because I can't; people that look like me can't. The Brown bodies and Black bodies can't. Business as usual doesn't exist anymore.”
Proposition number three: Why am I paying attention to this?
Why is this particular situation the one that has pulled our focus? “Why is this the thing that I'm paying attention to?” Erica asks. “Is it that you keep seeing certain things because of what or who you follow online, or who or what you don't follow online is that you're not keyed into maybe where else you can get your news that is more holistic and is going to show you more of the things that's actually going on versus a little slice that's palatable?”
Or perhaps we’re blocking certain things in deference to our own comfort. “Or out of fear,” Erica says, adding, “I don't say this because I think it's easy to negate fear, if that's what's coming up, or that it's easy to just push your own comfort aside and immediately jump headfirst into discomfort.” If that’s prompting folks to shutter their awareness against what’s happening, “at least being able to acknowledge that comfort and fear. Like, not wanting to let go of your comfort and the possibility of just doing it wrong, or your own fear in any way, shape, or form of ‘I don't know if I can see this. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know if I'm going to do it wrong.’ Any of that,” she says, “if that is what is making you hesitate to be aware and to be active, at least be aware of the fact that these are the emotions that are showing up that are keeping you stuck or just not allowing you to move forward. It's not always easy. And I, by no means, want anyone to traumatize themselves to figure it out.”
So, how to tell the difference? “I want you to really question, are you traumatizing yourself or are you just uncomfortable?” Erica says, “because the reality is that these kinds of decoys that are thrown out, these, you know, Trojan horses, so to speak, that are put out there and paraded in front of you to get you to not look at what's happening around it is so that you stay in your comfort.” To the actual life-or-death of Black and Brown folks.
“We know that progress does not happen in the space of comfort. Growth and evolution does not happen in the space of comfort. You have to pay attention to what you really need to know and not to be led away from what's really happening,” Erica says, “to not let these decoys just kind of deflect you from being in action because they're telling you, they're like, ‘Oh, you're fine; you don't have to worry about that.’ Not true. Not true. I'm here to sound the alarm for you: that ain't true. It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. The devil is a lie.”
Final Thoughts
One last reminder that you are never alone on this journey. “Even as Black exhaustion is something that I am navigating for myself, know that I always love being here and being able to create the bridge for you to walk over, brick by brick, as you become the change that you want to see.”
Until next time, keep the dialogue going.
Quoted
Erica Courdae
“I feel like maybe this is a season of learning; maybe this is a season of contemplation and recognizing what, maybe, you have not recognized well enough up to this point.”
“Take some time and pay attention to what's really going on.”
“I want you to really question, are you traumatizing yourself or are you just uncomfortable?”
“Progress does not happen in the space of comfort. Growth and evolution do not happen in the space of comfort.”